...and so it began

This is how my story began maybe it's similar to yours or maybe it's as different as night and day. It does not matter.  What is important is that we have each other's experiences to learn from so we can all work towards recovery together, no matter where you might currently be along that path.  We don't have to do it alone.  

I was thirteen surrounded and alone.  I was naturally overweight (4’10” 140lbs) despite being always active with organized sports in the local community.  I wasn’t naturally gifted, but my type-A personality forced me to work overtime and excel at everything I did.  The only thing “wrong” with me was how I looked.  I was “fat”, I had acne, and I needed braces.  This was the end of my world at 13 and no one understood.  My dad was overweight, but he had perfect skin and teeth.  My brother had acne and braces, but he was perfectly thin.  My mom had acne growing up, but she had a perfect body.  I had the triple whammy and it was rough at the time.  Now it seems silly, but back then it caused me a lot of pain.  I was a perfectionist who couldn’t be perfect, but then again can anyone?  I felt alone in this battle. 

My dad was only concerned with work and I would soon realize was on the verge of an alcohol problem that still plagues me today.  My mom always tried, but she just had issues of her own.  My brother was at an age where he only cared about himself.  So you see I was alone.  My family didn’t talk about things that were real.  We loved each other, but we couldn’t see one another through the wall of our own pain so everyone was forced to deal with his or her own pain in his or her own way.  Alcohol and drugs, that’s what the others chose.  I wanted to go to law school so in my mind these were unacceptable coping mechanisms.  I chose differently.  I found my own way to “deal” with my emotions that also helped “fix” my physical imperfection. 

I started restricting.  It was really easy to hide at first especially with all the metal in my mouth.  I claimed I didn’t like to eat in public anymore and instead just didn’t eat at all.  I rapidly lost weight and everyone began to tell me how good I looked.  People even came up with excuses for me that I was suddenly growing into my body and had finally lost all my baby fat.  In a matter of a month I had lost an unhealthy 15 lbs and I was starting to hit my growth spur so it seemed like even more, but this was just the beginning.  Little did I know that this disorder would consume me for many more years to come developing more complex facets than I would have ever been able to predict from the start.  

<3 Annie